Queen of Shadows
by PureLightHealer
Summary: This piece is based on the end of Merlin season 4, episode 13. Slightly Dark. Merlin's conflicting thoughts, Aithusa's actions and what happens to Morgana. Enjoy!
1. The Descent

**The Descent**

He remembers.

He remembers the image in his mind so well… The image of _Death_. The way her dark hair was splayed out on the pillow, framing a beautiful face that had already begun to lose its colour…

It had been his fault then, as it seemed it always was. But he hadn't meant to kill her, couldn't bear the sight of her taking shallow breaths as she drifted in and out of consciousness. Why had she set out to murder the King? He had to stop her. Barring the door in front of her was supposed to cut off her path; he hadn't anticipated that she would lose her footing and crash down the adjacent stairs. Even today, he can still feel the cold dread that crept over him as he made his way down the seemingly endless flight of steps, hoping to see her stir, even turn around and shout at him. But instead he was met with silence and the sight of blood, slowly trickling from her forehead.

And this image blinded him, even now. It would steal into his thoughts every so often, keeping him from the festivities that were happening around him in honour of the new Queen. And try as he might, he could not join into the gaiety around him. Because of her. He wondered if this was her form of vengeance for all the times he had thwarted her plans. For all he had done to her. But he had healed her then. Went against everything that was advised to him, all he had worked for, what his destiny promised – to save her. He had been warned; saving her would throw Camelot into turmoil once more. And it did; brought them closer than ever before to the brink of destruction. Bringing her back hadn't changed her as he'd hoped; it had only made her more bitter, more hell-bent on vengeance.

"Come on, Merlin! Have a drink!"

Merlin looked up, shaken out of his thoughts by Elyan's heavy arm clamping over his shoulders. "Have one before Gwaine finishes them all!" he added with a wide grin.

Merlin let out a small chuckle and looked over at the knight in question, who incidentally had a mug of ale in each hand and was simultaneously serenading a kitchen maid. Elyan nodded grimly at the sight. "Yes, if we don't do anything about this, he'll steal all the ale _and _all the women!" With another laugh and a pat on the shoulder, Gwaine made his way towards another friend, leaving Merlin to contemplate the scene around him.

He glanced at the head table where Arthur, and the newly crowned Guinevere sat blissfully, basking in each other's attentions. Everyone appeared content. _He_ should be content. They had dethroned Morgana, removed her threat from Camelot and restored order to the Kingdom. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling of numbness that crept over him every time he thought of her. Morgana… Again, it was he who had taken her down. He had cheated, drained her of her magic and then caused the archway of a hall to collapse before her, propelling her back with his own power when she was focused on another enemy. He remembers the sickening thud that echoed as she hit the ground. He knew that she was wounded, perhaps fatally.

"_She's not there."_

_Arthur nodded. "She's gone again." He said with a sigh, staring over at the throne she had so commandingly occupied just minutes ago. _

_He threw his sword towards the throne in contempt. "Of course she's gone. It's Morgana! She's probably licking her wounds somewhere. Too much damn pride to stay when she knows she's lost!"_

Merlin looked at Arthur. Despite his frustration, he remembers how the King looked at her when they met in the throne room. The tension between the siblings had been palpable, but so was the hurt, the bitterness of a loved one lost. Even Morgana had tears in her eyes, for which she quickly made amends when she tried to kill Arthur…

And since then, every second that had passed he wondered if she was lingering closer to death, alone somewhere, now that all her allies had been killed or disbanded. He knew her loneliness well. She brought it upon herself, but he too was at fault. He could have opened up to her, revealed to her that they were so alike,_ kin_... But he chose not to out of fear. She descended down a path he could not follow. This had driven them apart for good, destroying everything that there was or could have been between them…

"Merlin! Not so enthusiastic, please. This hall can only take so much of your merriment." Gaius noted dryly, giving his ward a peculiar glance.

Merlin looked up and offered a half-hearted smile. "Sorry, Gaius."

The court physician nodded, picking at his food before leaning back into his chair across from the young man. "What's bothering you, Merlin?"

"It's nothing, Gaius."

"Surely, you don't expect me to believe that. You've been moping about since the coronation ceremony. You have nothing more to worry about! Everything you strove to achieve has finally come to pass. Arthur is King again, Guinevere is his Queen, Morgana is gone…"

Merlin stiffened at those last words. Gaius was right. He knew that well enough. After all, he had spent the better part of the last hour telling himself to be happy. He got up with a sigh, pushing his chair back. "I think I need to get out a little. Or go to sleep early. Maybe I'm just tired."

Gaius nodded slowly. "You did much today. You must be exhausted! Goodnight, my boy. Sleep well."

Merlin made his way out of the room, trying to draw as little attention to himself as possible. Now was not the time and really, who could understand?

Even walking the damn halls reminded him of her. Her malice. Her incessant mocking.

Her constant ambushes in these convenient alcoves when she knew they were alone. Where it took the last vestiges of his sanity not to shove her up against the wall and show her _exactly_ how much he hated her. But instead he'd will himself to keep his hands at his sides and his body angled away from hers.

"_If you breathe a word of what you saw, I will make your life a very short and painful one!" She'd threaten, voice rich with disdain._

"_My lady" he would respond reluctantly, the only acknowledgement of her tirade, with as expressionless a gaze as he could muster._

Sleep well? Even if Merlin somehow managed to escape his tormented thoughts long enough to drift into sleep, it wouldn't be the peaceful kind. Even at night he couldn't quite escape her. She invaded his dreams and her presence there was even more dangerous than it was in his waking life. Because in his dreams, she coaxed him closer… Because in his dreams he showed no restraint.

And it would go on and on, nails clawing at skin, mouths seeking dominance, bodies tangled in a dangerous game that would only end in bitter regret and yet would continue and continue and conti…

And he would wake up with a start, flushed and gasping, covers strewn across the floor.

What sleep? He smiled grimly. Not now.

_He could heal her again…_

He stopped in his tracks. The traitorous thought had crept into his mind. The sound of her voice, a taunting whisper in his ear… He leaned against a wall, cold beads of sweat forming on his brow.

_No. No…_

He rested his arm against the wall and leaned his forehead into it.

To what end? She wouldn't change now. He knew that well enough, better than anyone. Revive her for what, then? The sick game they played with each other, day and night? Haunting, hunting and harming one another in every way they could?

_Aithusa_.

**Hope everyone enjoyed it! Please review, if so :) Next Chapter, called 'Aithusa.' Will be coming out relatively soon if people enjoy this part/want a continuation. **


	2. Aithusa

**Hey guys! I'm back with the second part of this story uploaded. Sorry about the long wait time in between! This chapter was giving me a bit of trouble and Some drama in real life forced me to postpone causing angst in Merlin's world XD**

**Regardless, thank you to everyone who's favourited, subscribed and most importantly commented on this story! It is because of you all that this part even got completed :P And without further ado, Here's the next chapter... **

**ps: I totally thought Aithusa was a female-Dragon in the show o_O And then I looked it up. XD**

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><p><strong>Aithusa<strong>

He was grateful for the cold blast of air that hit him when he left the castle; it dried up his tears before they had the chance to fall.

Merlin pushed all his conflicting thoughts away. If he was meant to be her downfall, life sure had a foolish way of making her his greatest weakness.

He walked towards the woods, memories flashing before his eyes. Even here. Even now. How many times had she sneaked off to these woods in the middle of the night, to scheme Camelot's downfall with her wretched sister? She had trapped him here once… When he had made the mistake in following her; she had left him to die.

_He_ should let her die.

The young Dragon sensed the presence of its master and looked up curiously. The white scales on his delicate spine, glimmering in the dying rays of an afternoon sun.

"Aithusa…"

Merlin walked out into the clearing and reached out towards the tiny Dragon. The little thing half-flew, half-skipped forward on uncertain legs, bleating happily. A small jet of flames shot out of its nostrils and Merlin's eyes flared gold to shield himself from the fire. He patted Aithusa's head gently, noting how quickly he had grown since the last time he had seen him. A magnificent and rare creature.

"Aithusa, I want you to do something for me…" He said. His voice cracked as though every fibre in his body knew this was wrong.

It _was_ wrong.

The Dragon lifted its head, nuzzling his palm affectionately. Merlin shut his eyes, gritting his teeth. This was insanity. And so, so foolish. He remembers when he had ordered Kilgharrah to save her, a year ago. The old dragon refused, but Merlin had insisted, abused his powers as a Dragonlord and commanded him in the Old Tongue. Contrary to all reason.

And here he was again… Ready to abuse the same power, defy anything and anyone…

And for what? A lost cause, a Queen of Shadows who would reap the light out of everything. Who wouldn't stop until the Kingdom lay before her, bloodied and broken.

"O drakon, e mala soi ftengome …Ic þe þurhhæle es licsare tialdae þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ es!"

Aithusa tilted his head, feeling the magic of the Old-Tongue commanding him. Merlin looked down. The little Dragon was too young to know the consequences of such an action. Too young to argue. But even a young Dragon had the Breath of Life which came innately to these creatures. Aithusa recognized only that he was being commanded by a Dragonlord and trusted him as such. And Merlin took advantage of this, just as he had taken advantage of Morgana's trust.

"_You're a good friend, Merlin" she said, taking the waterskin from him gratefully. Their fingers touched over the nozzle and he shivered knowing that in seconds her skin wouldn't be so warm as the poison coursed through her… As death overtook her._

But he didn't know then how much her eyes would haunt him from that day. The way she looked up at him accusingly, suddenly aware of his duplicity… The pain from the poison mixing with the bitterness of betrayal…

And then it dawned on him.

He wasn't doing this for her.

He was doing it for himself.

She wouldn't know, and even if she somehow found out that he was responsible for healing her, she would only become even more spiteful.

No, he was doing this because he couldn't envision a world without her. Because in this world where everyone had someone; he was alone. Because while she was gone, he was perpetually stuck in the past, in what could have been but never was.

"_I don't feel so alone here… Do you understand?" She asked, looking up at him desperately. The peace of the druid's camp surrounded them, extricating them from a world of war and injustice._

"_Better than anyone…" he breathed, feeling his heart drumming in his chest and wanting at that moment more than ever, to tell her the truth. _

'_Morgana, I have magic too… I know what it feels like to be different…' But instead he had merely looked at her, as if hoping his eyes would convey the words he dared not speak because he was afraid. Because he was a coward. _

Because she was destined to be his greatest enemy.

"Go." He whispered to the little Dragon, a tear trickling down his cheek which he promptly wiped away in disgust.

The Dragon stumbled back and then unfurled its wings, sweeping upwards in a motion that sent the wind roaring around his body. Merlin shielded his eyes from the sun on the horizon and watched as the creature disappeared overhead.

… And now he was bringing back his greatest enemy. Against all logic, for reasons unknown even to him.

"_I don't expect you to understand, Morgana. You have no sense of duty, no sense of loyalty" he muttered, chained inside her hovel, held prisoner. _

_She yanked his restraints and they tightened around his wrists, stringing his body up and making him intake his breath sharply. She grabbed his jaw between her thumb and forefinger, bringing his body flush against hers. He gasped again, but this time it was for different reasons entirely._

"_You're wrong" she hissed, digging her nails into his jawline, "Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I don't have anyone left to be loyal to!" With those words she shoved him back. He was grateful for the re-established distance between them because it allowed him to think with his mind rather than his body. And then she was gone, leaving him shuddering as the heat from her proximity was replaced by the chill of her absence._

Minutes felt like hours.

He told himself that he should go. He had done enough harm again. His throat tightened as he thought of everyone in the castle, rejoicing ignorantly… Blissfully. Unaware of the danger he had just revived. If Camelot was to fall by her hand, he would be to blame. If Arthur knew, if Kilgharrah knew, hell, if anyone knew what he'd selfishly sacrificed in bringing her back…

But Destiny had chosen the wrong man to defeat her. The irony in it made him want to smile. He was perhaps the only one powerful enough to take her down and yet he held no power over her when they came face to face, when he burned under the intensity of her gaze.

_But when Morgan lifted her hand_

_Moved down the hall, he louted low;_

_For she was Queen of Shadowland,_

_The woman of snow._

And so he began to walk, his mind telling him to go back; back to Camelot and comfort and security and justice. But his legs moved him forward towards her; towards the broken fragments of his past, like a siren's call, luring him to Destruction.

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><p><strong>Next Chapter is called 'Queen of Shadows'... Feel free to leave your thoughtscomments/etc., below! :)**


	3. Kin

**First off, I sincerely apologize that it's taken me so long to update! Life got in the way and that's about all I can say. =/ I am sorry though and I hope my dear (and much-appreciated) readers have not forgotten me or this story by now!**

**On the plus side, I said before that this would be the last chapter. Turns out, this was an extra long chapter so I split it into two =) The last chapter, will be coming out most likely next week. It's actually mostly done except for some final edits. Though I must say, reviews are a big motivator for getting chapters written and uploaded! So if you have a minute or so to comment on chapters that take me hours to write and edit... I'd really appreciate it!**

**ps: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE! 333**

**Without further ado, here is the next chapter! ~ Enjoy! :)**

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><p><strong>Kin<strong>

He finds her rapidly, as though his feet instinctively know her path.

The Dragon had done its work. She's on the ground, but he can see the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathes the oxygen that has returned to her body. She's alive. He should leave but he remains for a moment, staring at her as if transfixed. She looks as alone as he feels.

_No._

She deserved this, he tells himself, looking away in an attempt to keep his control as he begins to back away again, into the trees. His work is done here, he should-

"Stop."

He freezes. She knows he's here. He makes a mental note, reminding himself that her magic is more attune than he gives her credit for. He realizes with a growing nervousness that he's not as upset that he's been discovered as he should be.

"Merlin" she breathes with difficulty, her tongue rolling over the vowels in his name in that way that makes him shiver. "You know I could kill you…"

But they both know it's a lie. Her power has barely returned to her, her body is still broken on the forest floor. Only her life has returned. And her will.

"I know." He mutters, raising his head to look at the darkening sky as he turns away from her.

"What are you doing here?" She chokes out, leaning up on her forearms, grey eyes flashing scornfully.

He shakes his head, still facing away from her and imagining what Arthur and the others were doing back in Camelot now. His friends. His allies. The ones whose lives he had so carelessly put at risk by bringing her back…

"Maybe I'll kill you and-"

He turns on his heel, angry now as his hand lashes out and he grabs her pale throat. She chokes.

"How dare-"

His fingertips press into the skin of her neck. "Stop this senseless attack on Camelot. Stop being so bitter! You had everything, EVERYTHING, Morgana! Why did you throw it all away? Is this what you wanted?" he says, finding himself yelling at her and watching her expression of surprise changing swiftly to one of defensive contempt.

Her eyes flare and he recognizes the tell-tale stream of gold that rims her irises and springs quickly out of her path. A torrent of magic shoots forward, echoing in the wind and causing the trees to sway around them. Had he stayed in front of her a moment longer, he would be on his back and unconscious now. He turns to her fiercely, but she's more concerned with his narrow escape.

Any other man would have been caught off-guard, victim to her assassin magic. She chalks it up to luck and lets out a laugh. He was always lucky it seemed. Always in the right place at the right time to defy her or stand in her way.

_The Man who thwarted the Sorceress…. _

_The Servant who defied the Queen._

"Must feel good…" she supplies aloud, but he ignores her.  
>"Why must you always resort to hurting? Killing?" He yells. "What happened to you?" He shakes his head, "This wasn't the Morgana I knew…"<p>

"The Morgana you knew was weak! The Morgana you knew is gone."

"No she wasn't…"

"What would you know if it?" she retorts.

"You used to be kind and loyal... And now you're just so… Bitter and-and cruel! I can barely stand to look at you-"

"Then why do it!" She lets out in exasperation. "Why come here, Merlin? Just so you can lord your morals over me? Well you've gloated enough! Go away, I'm done with you" she orders acerbically.

He bristles, hating her imperious tone. "Oh, but I'm not done with you…" he growls, stepping forward.

Instantly she turns on him, arm shooting up as a bolt of fire blasts from her fingertips. It catches him off-guard, doesn't give him enough time to move. And so the only thing he can do is lift his hand just as the bolt impacts, catching it effortlessly in his own palm before casting it aside.

And then something in him snaps. Merlin cuts the distance between them and shoves her back angrily. "You hateful bit-" But his voice dies when he sees her expression; the shock in her eyes.

...

"You have magic…" She breathes, and her eyes widen as though a veil has been lifted from her sight, as though all the pieces of the puzzle are finally put together in her mind.

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><p><strong>Next Chapter is the real finale, called 'Queen of Shadows'. Thank you for reading &amp; feel free to leave your thoughtscomments/etc., below! :)**


	4. Queen of Shadows

**Hello my dear readers :D**

**Alright, so we've finally reached the end of the line, the final showdown between Merlin and Morgana! =) Thank you to all those of you who've been reading faithfully throughout the past 2-3 months and and extra big thank you to all those of you who have taken the time to leave comments! I REALLY appreciate them and I love you for it :D**

**That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter :3 And I bid you all adieu ****(omg. This actually feels a little sad D:...) *waves arms around in an epic virtual group-hug for all my readers***

**... ****Wow, I really am creepy. **

**Anyway! XD Without further ado, I present you with...**

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><p><strong>Queen of Shadows<strong>

Merlin had imagined this moment for years. Hoped for it on some days when the burden of his secret was growing too heavy, feared it on others when he was grimly aware of the repercussions such a revelation would have. He'd often imagined her reaction, pictured the betrayed look in her eyes, that one exactly like her, her own kin, had let her suffer alone when he understood better than anyone else. When he could have guided her. He shuts his eyes now, cursing himself repeatedly for not being more careful, for letting his anger cloud his reason and revealing his nature to her. He fears the look of betrayal, the expression of disgust…

And yet just as he summons the will to open his eyes, he hears her laughter.

His eyes fly open and he stares at her as she throws her head back and laughs, the shadows cast from the light of the moon flickering over her exposed throat.

"That's it, isn't it? How you escaped the Serkets' nest… How Arthur survived so many of his damned 'adventures', how the undead army was so suddenly annihilated… You have magic!"

_Such knowledge was power, but in her hands, it was deadly._ He mentally smacks himself.

Suddenly she pauses and cocks her head, peering at him intently. A slow smile creeps over her lips. "You healed me… Didn't you?" she asks, the obvious answer dawning on her and hanging in the air between them.

"No…." He blurts out desperately, hating how obvious it sounds. She laughs again and he hates her for it, hates himself because she's right. Of course she's right and she knows it too.

"_Why_?" She asks, forcefully now, as her fingers curl over his upper arms, demanding an answer.

He shakes his head, letting out a short, caustic laugh. _As if he could answer that…_

Suddenly her arm snakes around his neck and she pulls him down, lips crashing against his. All coherent thought flees his mind as she invades his senses. Her scent, her proximity, her mouth – He wants to pull her closer, force her back…

And then, just as quickly as it started, she pushes him away, touching a finger to her lips. He stumbles back, dizzy, his heart drumming, mind reeling. Now it was his turn to croak out

"_Why_?"

She shrugs, staring at him as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

"What do you want from me, Morgana?" he demands, breathing still labored from their kiss.

… _If you could call it that._

She looks at him with a smile that is almost mocking. As though she knows his weakness; her effect on him.

"I want everything from you, Merlin. Everything and nothing. But surely you know that already?" she asks tauntingly.

He shakes his head. "Don't Morgana…."

She reaches out to grab his wrist and speaks before he gets the chance to react; "_Join me_."

His mouth drops, the suggestion sending a shiver down his spine. The same suggestion she gives him in his dreams, in his nightmares, the same proposal he finds himself yearning for and fearing in equal measures….

"You're insane…." He whispers, searching for a reason, hoping its sheer madness on her part, or a cruel joke, something, anything to imply she doesn't mean it.

"Think of it, Merlin. You're of magic, as am I. Who else is there to better understand you? Especially in Camelot?" she scoffs, her grip tightening on his arm.

_She's right, of course she's right and no one knows his secret, his burden, his magic, hers_- His mind is on overdrive_- he could justify it in a million ways, but-_

...

This is darkness.

"NO." He replies shaking his arm free of her wrist.

Morgana pauses, looking into his eyes as though trying to force out every thought, anything to use against him. "Arthur doesn't even know, does he?" she says, clucking her tongue in a pitying way as she shakes her head. "All that _time_ protecting him, _saving_ him…"

Merlin remains rigid though his throat tightens painfully at the truth she presents. They both know it.

"You'll never get the acknowledgement you deserve, Merlin, why not join me?" she asks, tilting her head and holding his gaze.

Merlin snorted. "Oh what, and you'll give me all I deserve?"

She smiles as if amused, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "No…" she walks closer languidly, "But I'm sure I can find some way to make it worth your while…" she finishes, reaching up to touch the neckerchief around his throat.

He stares at her hard. The more his frown deepens, the more dazzling her smile becomes.

_Ever the manipulator. _

He looks down at her fingers, slipping through the fabric of his scarf.

_Ever the temptress._

He pulls away sharply, distancing himself from her beguiling proximity. _Dangerous_, he reminds himself, tying to clear the haze of lust that clouds his thoughts.

"No, Morgana." He says firmly, "I'll never join you. Not like this."

Some emotion flickers in her eyes but she covers it quickly, re-schooling her features into an inscrutable gaze. "Are you certain of that, Merlin?" she asks, her voice unusually soft.

"Yes." He says quickly, before he has the chance to reconsider. He stares at her, before forcing himself to look away and convincing his body to turn away from her.

He has to go.

He begins to walk back towards the forest, the crunch of grass under his shoes, the only sound in the stillness of the evening. She calls out to him, her voice so quiet he nearly misses it.

"You did heal me, didn't you?"

He pauses, staring at an oak tree some feet away from him, watching its leaves rustling slightly in the night-time breeze. "Yes…" The silence that follows feels suffocating.

"I won't forget it, Merlin…"

He waits.

"Maybe you're way is right, I don't know." She says, voice faltering. "But I make no promises." She adds forcefully, reverting back to a state which she better understands.

He exhales, not even having noticed that he was holding his breath and turns around to see her, to speak, to-

… But she's gone.

And the last he sees is the hem of her black skirts swirling around her legs as her magic picks up around her, taking her away, away from him.

Instantly her absence strikes something in him. The same hollowness he felt before finding her here. Maybe he had talked some sense into her, it was all he could hope for after the deadly risk he had taken in bringing her back – a risk, he reminds himself, that he took because of his own _weakness_. Not because he had some noble intent to change her. And he would have to live with the consequences no matter what happened from here, whether he had brought a glimmer of _hope_ or cataclysm of _destruction_.

He begins to walk again, towards the castle and the kingdom he should call home. Fighting the emptiness.

He remembers.

Remembers the image in his mind so well… The image of Morgana . An image of bitterness, hatred and love.

Yes,_ love_.

Because he still loved her.

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><p><em><strong>~ Fin ~ <strong>_


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